Nine sex-free Valentine’s Day ideas to boost intimacy in your relationship

By Ezinwanne Onwuka

It’s that time of the year again dedicated to lovebirds – Valentine’s Day! The excitement the day brings is already in the air. Can you feel it? Of course, you can!

As about now, most people are cracking their brains on how to spice up their relationship this period. If you belong to this category, may inspiration locate you!

The general idea about Valentine’s Day with most people, especially youths, is that Valentine’s Day is a day of making out. Sex, for such people, seems to be the only way one can show his/her love and, consequently, deepen the intimacy between the partners.

However, intimacy goes beyond sex – it is not just sex. Intimacy is about closeness, about being together and about creating and maintaining a relationship. It is an important part of any relationship, with or without sexual intercourse.

Did you know? Finding things that make you feel closer to your significant other, without the act of physicality, can help shift your relationship in a big way.

I love the idea of getting creative with your intimacy and switching from the status quo. After all, it doesn’t have to be sex for it to be intimate. If sex is the only form of intimacy that exists in your relationship, here are some suggestions as to how the two of you can maintain intimacy without intercourse on Lover’s Day:

Body massage

You don’t need to go to a professional, but rather give each other massages instead. A body massage is fantastic for creating intimacy with your partner and handily multi-tasks as a way to show physical affection and provide deep relaxation. It can be so incredibly sexy to have that special man or woman rub all the tension out of your neck and back. Make it even more intimate and leave clothing optional — just don’t set any expectations of intimacy that surpasses a nice, relaxing massage.

Share your sexual fantasies

How often has the thought crossed your mind to role play? Perhaps bringing a little bondage into the bedroom? My assumption would be that you were too shy to bring it up. Do both of you the favor and take a moment to sit down and share your sexual fantasies. You don’t have to fulfill them all right then, but it shows courage to open up and say, “I’d like to try this one day.”

Spend some time cuddling

Try skipping the sex and go straight into the ‘post-act’ cuddling session. Feeling the embrace of the one you love can provide a true feeling of intimacy. Put on a little background music, soak in the stillness of you and your partner together, and appreciate the feeling of their breath and sound of their heartbeat. It can feel much more intimate than you might think.

Play a game of truth or dare

There is nothing more romantic than honesty sprinkled with a little adventure. It doesn’t have to be an explicit game, but sometimes a little healthy competition with your partner can make the two of you feel closer. Try including a few things you’d like to try in the ‘dare’ category and things about your partner you’d like to know for the ‘truth’ category.

Cook together

The famous playwright George Bernard Shaw once said, “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” In case you don’t know, cooking is more than just an essential life skill; cooking is therapeutic. It has the power to bring two souls closer. So, cooking a meal together with a partner can be an exciting experience. Also, it will help both of you to learn about each other’s taste for food. Not to mention it shows where your strengths are and allows for a foundation of teamwork; while one of you cuts the vegetables and the other blends the tomatoes.

Touch each other

Too often, particularly in long-term relationships, we stop touching each other unless we want sex. Don’t let that happen! Make a point of touching your partner throughout the day. That could be kissing, hugs, stroking his/her cheek, even running your fingers through her/his hair. Then find opportunities for more intensive touching, such as giving each other massages. You will find that your entire body has erotic potential, and it is fun to explore each other’s bodies and find which areas provide pleasurable sensations and which do not. Then communicate this with each other.

Sleep together

No, I don’t mean sex. I mean literally sleeping together. Curl up with each other and drift off. Trusting each other enough to simply sleep together is incredibly intimate, not to mention it can also be strangely romantic.

Focus on just simply kissing

Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost sight of the joy of a simple makeout. Keep the clothes on and enjoy the thrill of kissing without expecting anything more. Not to mention, going straight to the main course is so boring. Try something more innocent and see how connected you truly feel.

Learn a new hobby together

Do you know the best part of being in a relationship? Sharing the same experiences and growing together. Learning something new together can be an experience of a lifetime and you will remember those moments fondly forever. It can be something as simple as learning to dance (you can choose from waltz, salsa, jazz etc. that can be done with a partner) or something more adventurous.

As you can see, being intimate with your partner in more ways than just sex doesn’t have to be complex — it can be as simple as cozying up for a long afternoon nap. Making an effort to stay intimate with each other even without sex helps you both understand each other and lessen any feelings of rejection and insecurity that might occasionally pop up. Furthermore, by challenging your relationship to find romance in places other than just physical intercourse, you are introducing versatility to your affection.

With endless ways of bringing back romance, you can seek solace in moments of tension much faster than if you were to strictly rely on ‘make-up sex’ to do the trick.