Dealing with a selfish partner in relationship

By Nwele Euphemia

I came across a post on social media few days back, where a lady lamented about how her boyfriend threw her out of the house because she tried candle waxing with him while initiating sex and the wax dropped on his anus. I also saw another story similar to this one, where a lady was slapped by her husband because she mistakenly dropped a bead inside his anus during foreplay.

This got me thinking – can men take the amount of painful pleasure that they inflict on their women if the table turns? Or are they just being selfish?

Speaking on this Solomon, a poet, interpreted this act as selfishness. He was of the opinion that most men who indulge in BDSM cannot endure when it is being enacted on them.

In a chat with him, he stated that men who experiment their sexual fantasies see their women as an object of pleasure and that is why if the table is turned and the man is the submissive sexual prey he might not be able to bare the painful pleasure that comes with being a submissive sexual partner.

He said: “submissiveness doesn’t equate to slavery mentality, this is what happens when you date or marry someone who is selfish (someone who only has his own interest at heart) they see others as objects of pleasure or progress to use, hurt, dump, kill, put blame on etc.

“The woman in question hasn’t done anything wrong likewise the lady as well, the few dysfunctional male ( the men in question) are the ones that tarnish our image, we aren’t monsters, they have turned the female submissiveness into slavery, they need to be checked into a moral and mental asylum – to find out the source e.g been molested at early age, dysfunctional family, or addiction, which propagates them to want exhibit there lustful fantasies.

“It’s saddens my heart when I see people marrying or date someone who only thinks for himself. Self is the enemy and the family as a society needs to create room for health communication/conversations with love intent.”

Buteressing his point, Solomon said both the Bible and Quran preach love of our fellow humans; which is understandable and truthful. In all sectors of human relationship we have to think about the welfare of the next person.

When we start living in the shoes of other people around us, we would come to understand ourselves better. Sexual pleasure is an aspect of marriage relationship that needs to be explored, but then, you need to make sure that whatever we choose to try out is something that benefits both partners in the relationship.

Everyone ought to leave happy and satisfied at the end of the day. The men above story probably acted aggressively because they never expected that amount of pain, and this is something they have been trying out with their partners.

This is why I related it to selfishness in one’s relationship, if they were thinking about their partner, they would not have reacted that way.

A man shouldn’t feel insecure because the earns more, we ought to invest in each other, covering each other’s weaknesses. Be sure to know your partners needs and wants and to be able to do as much as your partner also does, be willing to give as much as you are getting. Remember to share your thoughts with me in the comment section, I will be waiting to hear from you.