Legislative Job (A Pidgin English Poem)

By OLUIKPE, DUKE IKEDI 

John teacher ask john, wetin u go be when you grow?

John answer, Aunty, I wan be law meka. Why? en teacher asked. John begin talk.

If I enter labour market, omo na legislative job me go go for oo.

Hmm, who no like beta thing? I go represent my constituensi wella for that one.

Legislative job na de best job for world. I go dey make laws for myself.

If I need money, I go tell my fellow house members say mek we Pad the budget. The extra change na for our pocket en go enter.

If any of the members dem com open mouth talk, na suspension.

I go build cathedral for Abuja, buy mansion for banana island, build estate for my home.

De thing wey dey sweet me pass be say, I no dey even touch my salary,

If I chop sitting allowance finish, I go enter wardrobe allowance.

I go chopam Soteey en go taya, I go then enter

transportation

allowance chopam finish, newspaper allowance na de next.

Before I go don chop all them allowances finish, month go don end.

I go start from beginning again. Tell me, how you won mek I touch my salary?

True True shaa, legislative job na de best. Na we lawmakers de enjoy immunity pass.

Any bill wey we won pass we go passam.

If president won do gragra, na vote of no confidence we go take shake am.

We fit even form missing budget,

Or, at we no go approve the budget.

Judiciary independence no be here, say because na we dey decide their salary.

Any of them benches wey fall our hand, our SSD dogs go go their house for night arrest them.

I know say my people go open mouth to talk. Well, their own case na akamu case.

I go send container load of rice give all the women dem, Ortomatik wheel barrow for youth empowerment.

For our papa dem, their own na transmitter radio, and a little pocket money.

Anyway shaa, anti-koroption agency must work. But before dem go know wetin dey happen, I go request for sick leave.

I go travel go Germany, sickness or no sickness the doctors must treat something, even if na malaria parasite.

I go treat cancer for India, running stomach for America, rheumatism for Romania, mek them dey there de wait for me.

If the mata com de tight, I go hide all the money.

I go hide the naira for my backyard, bury the dollars for burial ground,

Put the pounds dem inside sucker well.

If yawa won gas, I fit tell NIA mek them claim the money, say 50% na their share.

Any whistle blower go blow en own life komot.

John teacher come ask, but my dear, how you go take make the people support you?

Aah teacher, that one na small something. I get sweet mouth nah, I sabi talk. I go tell them wetin dey won hear, then I go do wetin I won do.

I go be like, my kontri people, the time for change don come.

No more nyama-nyama, no more kata-kata. Our pikin dem no go suffer again. Our daughters go marry on time.

Aah teacher, that one na small something. I get sweet mouth nah, I sabi talk. I go tell them wetin dey won hear, then I go do wetin I won do.

Our sons go get beta job and build beta houses wey stand gidigba.

Our mama them go dey change rapa as nepa dey change power.

Our pale them nose no go rust say beta snuff no dey.

Vote for unity party. United we stand, divided we shall be.

All these things na wetin komot from John mouth.