INTERVIEW: COVID-19 showed many married wrongly…. experiencing divorce one of my lowest moments — Nikki Laoye
Marriage is a beautiful thing, but what happens when things go south? What happens when friends become foes, when they have their backs against each other?
It becomes even more heart-wrenching when a public figure is involved. Having everybody’s nose in your ‘bad’ private business doesn’t do any good.
From Tonto to Rudeboy down to Funke Akindele and JJC Skillz, celebrities haven’t had it easy, let alone a gospel artist who had to deal with the divorce controversy—the rightness and wrongness of it.
In this interview with CRISPNG’s BLESSING CHUKWUNEKE, Nikki Laoye bares it all as she speaks on her divorce, sharing lessons and testimonies of a second chance at love with her friend Snatcha.
CrispNG: Was there a time when you wanted to quit music and how did you cope with the challenges?
Going through a divorce was one of the lowest seasons of my life; it made me think of quitting music.
Nobody ever wants to lose their marriage, but the truth is that my ex-husband, Alexander Oturu and I decided to go our separate ways amicably. However, it was a very sad season for me.
I asked questions like, “Why did this have to happen?” But the truth is that every dark season I’ve ever gone through has been another stepping stone. I feel like it’s been another launching point for me because, in that season, God gave me this new song as he always does in seasons like that. It’s called “Trust You,” which is one of my most recent singles that was released last year.
I remember when I had to start living alone, God gave me the song that says, “Through the fire, through the rain, through whatever, come what may, I’m going to trust you.” I told God, I got nobody else; I have to trust you because you’re the only one that can help me. You’re the only one that can keep me and bless me.
There were a lot of talks going on in the industry and the public eye. I asked God why I had to go through divorce, badmouthing, and ridicule, and He gave me that song to remind me to trust Him and know that all things are working for my good.
That is the thing about God: every season of your life, He is going to use it, both the good, bad, and ugly, and will turn it all around for your good. And that’s what God has done with every down season of my life. He’s been faithful; He’s been true, and above all, He’s just been an amazing father.
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What lessons can you share from your marital experience?
We should learn to forgive ourselves because the truth is that a lot of us make decisions without properly thinking about it, especially when it comes to choosing a life partner.
Sometimes we’re not necessarily looking at the big picture of what marriage is supposed to be, who we’re supposed to be with, and all of that. My ex is an amazing person, but the truth is that we’re better off as friends than being married.
Sometimes we’re not really paying attention like we should to make the right decision. So, what I’ve learnt, and I’m going to tell other people is to take their time to decide to get married. Examine who you are getting married to, why you are getting married, and if you see yourself with that person in the next 50 years.
The COVID lockdown showed a lot of people that they were in maybe the wrong marriages or that their marriages were shaky. It showed that a lot of people couldn’t bear to be in the same room with their spouses for more than 24 hours.
Most people were not really spending time with their spouses until lockdown because everybody goes to work and comes back home just for a few hours with each other, goes out again, and hangs out with friends during weekends. So, one question you should ask yourself when choosing a partner is if you can be with that person alone forever.
Another thing is to make sure you know who you are getting married to. Also, be sure that God is behind your decisions. You have to be sure you’re not making a decision based on selfish or emotional reasons. For me, I made an emotional decision during the period when my dad was sick and later died.
I should have slowed down a bit and dealt with my father’s death before getting married just to be sure that I was in the right frame of mind because I believe I wasn’t. But I’m happy that both of us are doing very well in our different spheres.
I’ve remarried, and I’m also in a space where this time around before I got married again, I took my time to dot my I’s and cross my T’s and be sure that it was what God wanted. Because I don’t want to go into this a second time and then run away or pull out, as nobody wants to get divorced twice. If that happens again, the problem is obviously with me, and I don’t want that to be the story of my life.
This time around, I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons and in the right frame of mind. So, I carefully thought about everything and prayed, and God said, “Go ahead, I want you to help my son, Adekunle Adeyoola (Snatcha), and his four babies out.”
That was the decision behind my getting married again, and it’s been an awesome beginning again. We’ve been married for two years now, and I just thank God for that.
