Dealing with insecurity in a relationship

By Euphemia Nwele

Insecurity in a relationship brings about general unease or unrest as triggered by perceiving oneself vulnerable.

Insecure partners are always curious to know who you are talking to or chatting with, where you are going to and monitoring how much time you spend doing things. To know when you are coming back or who you are spending time with, they sometime relate the way you laugh on the phone or how you smile and dress up to go out as something special that you do for them and you should not have to do with other people.

They want to know what you are laughing at which is often a huge turn off for the other partner. Most people in situations like this get fed up easily and could decide to back off at any time, but then we need to consider reasons as to why people could be insecure in a relationship.

People’s childhood experience, past trauma (rape, abuse), experience of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about oneself, being cheated on or disappointed by someone you care about, perfectionism or having a critical partner can contribute to insecurity.

Despite this you can walk down the road of insecurity with your partner. Do not just opt out and go, help them go through therapy, help them ‘forgive the past’ (they need to forgive because everyone has their own demons that they fight and not forgiving these people or what ever hurt you in your past only makes room for more pain). Help them accept themselves (rain compliments on them, talk to them at intervals reminding them that they are loved and accepted notwithstanding their faults), help them practice self-approval, help them embrace non-comparison, and develop trust.

Of a truth, everyone has that one thing that they feel emotionally insecure about, but insecurity is a path that one can walk through and yet come out strong and smiling.

This article was inspired by Chike’s song – Inscure. Chike-Ezekpeazu Osebuka is a popular singer known for his participation on the Nigerian reality competition.
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