Why many Nigerian youths are emotionally unavailable:Trauma, Fear and Trend?

“He says he likes me but never opens up. No calls, no deep conversations, just vibes.”This is what young people often lament when asked how they are faring in a relationship.

In today’s fast-paced world, romantic relationships have become highly normalised, unlike in the days of our forefathers when emotional connections were handled more cautiously. Yet, despite this normalisation, many young people remain emotionally detached.

This emotional gap makes it difficult to either remain single or sustain meaningful relationships. Relationships are not just for fun, they carry emotional weight. They can either uplift or deeply hurt someone psychologically. But when two people are genuinely connected, it becomes one of life’s most fulfilling experiences.

Problems often arise when feelings are present, but one or both parties are not ready or willing to nurture those emotions. This emotional disconnect can be both devastating and confusing.

In this piece, we explore reasons many Nigerian youths struggle with emotional connections in relationships. Some of these reasons are:

Trauma and Heartbreak from Past Relationships: Many people carry emotional baggage from past relationships. A heartbreak can leave scars that make it difficult to open up again. Sometimes, individuals start seeing their ex in the new person. They become overly cautious, choosing to suppress their feelings rather than risk being hurt again.

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Situationships and Silent Competition: In today’s dating scene, situationships are common, where people enjoy each other’s company but avoid defining the relationship. Some choose silence over expressing how they feel, especially when they sense the other person is being approached by someone else.

A friend once said, “Even if the feelings were eighty percent, they dropped to zero the moment I found out someone else was involved.” But do the feelings really disappear, or is it just emotional self-defence?

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The Hustle Mentality: For many Nigerian youths, especially men, the pressure to make it first before committing to a relationship is real. They feel they must be financially stable before offering love. However, love is not always about material provision. The true foundation of any relationship should be time, communication, and emotional presence.

Fear of Being Misunderstood: Some people shy away from relationships because they fear being misunderstood or not accepted for who they are. Vulnerability becomes a risk. They are unsure if the other person will see beyond the surface and embrace their true self.

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Solutions to Strengthen Emotional Connection

Be Honest with Yourself: The first step is self-awareness. Ask yourself: Do I truly want a relationship? Does this person align with my values and emotional needs? If the answer is yes, then go for it, even if someone else is showing interest in them. As long as the person is not married or committed, allow them the freedom to decide who they truly want to be with.

Be Honest with the Other Person: If your actions are giving off romantic signals but you remain silent, it creates confusion. It is better to express how you feel and also be clear if you are not ready to commit. Honest conversations can bring clarity, prevent emotional damage, and sometimes lead to mutual understanding, or even a compromise.

Set Clear Boundaries: If you know you are not ready for a relationship, do not linger in uncertainty. Reinventing or entertaining feelings you do not intend to act on can be emotionally damaging to both you and the other person. If needed, reduce unnecessary communication. Emotional clarity begins with respecting your own boundaries and the other person’s emotions too.

Communicate Openly and Clearly: Whether you are falling in love or falling out of it, communication is key. Say what you feel, ask what you want to know, and listen genuinely. Love is not magic, it grows in environments where people feel seen, heard, and safe.

There is no harm in trying. Emotional connection requires courage and clarity. Do not be afraid to go for what you want. At the end of the day, being true to yourself and respectful to others is the best way to navigate love and relationships.