By Nwele Euphemia
Marriage is a union of two people; it is beyond the wedding day and it is beyond love; but the memorable and most significant part of the wedding day is having to look your partner in the eyes and exchange your vows.
Marriage vows are vows beyond words; they are like a covenant you make with your partner attesting to how far you are willing to go, to make your marriage work. This vow is sacred and important, so it is only right that couples understand the magnitude and meaning of the vows they make.
When you make a choice to get married to someone so you must keep the vows you promised to keep, you are bound to the vows you make.
“I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, faithful partner, my love from this day forward, in the presence of God and my parents I vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health.”
The part of the marriage vow that says in sickness and in health is very important – most people feel they want to prophesy to their future so they say ‘in health and in health’, what they do not know, is that, by that vow, you are saying – when your partner falls sick, the marriage is over, when there is no money – the marriage is over.
That is the implication of your vow, in as much as we pray for the good of our homes it is important that you look closely at your vow before you make them.
While I was talking to a friend of mine about this (marriage vows) he said something that struck me, he said ‘marriage vows is the vow you take on the alter, a scared promise you make before God and man’ – notice he said, before God and man, this strengthens the fact that your marriage vows with your partner is a serious promise, a promise that your home will be built on, it forms the foundation of your marriage.
So, if you say ‘for richer for richer, for better for better, in health and in health till death do us part’ you are simply saying before God and man that, when the going gets tough, ‘I will back out’.
You might think you are positively confessing, but, no, it is a covenant that you are making with your partner, it forms the basis of your marriage, your marriage would be guided and protected by this vow.
Marriage vows ought to be adjusted to suit the personalities of those getting married. Because a lot of times we read online of a man who beats his wife, or a woman who is not submissive to her husband simply because she earns the most.
If marriage vows are made to suit the personality of people getting married, it would go a long way in preventing most things (do let me know if you have a contrary view to this, in the comment section).
Do not rush your marriage vows, do not! Take time to understand what you are about saying, and make sure it registers in your head and heart.
Below are examples of good marriage vows and like I earlier stated, are made in alignment to your personalities.
“I (insert name) take you (insert name) to be my wife, my partner in life, my one true love, I will cherish our union, love you each day than I did day before I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you, cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad regardless of the obstacles we may face together, I give you my hand, my heart, my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.
“I will be yours in times of sickness in times of health, in times of plenty in times of want, in times of joy in times of sorrow. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, comfort and encourage you, to nurture and grow with you and stay with you for all eternity. – I like the way this one vow suggests that they want to grow with each other.
“I (insert name) take you (insert name) to be my wife, loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not yet know…” – this one is funny and great, because trust me there are things in your marriage as time goes on that you will still find out about your partner, but not withstanding it is good to always let your partner in on the necessary details of your life before marriage.
Possibly in this one vow he/she said ‘trusting what I do not know of yet’ because their partner is secretive and find it difficult opening up, so yes, adjusting the vow to suit your partners personality is important.
Add ‘I promise to be submissive and not to be quick to anger’ if as the woman you earn more than your partner, so it guides you. Earning more than your husband does not mean you stop being a ‘woman’.
Learn to spice up your vows. Follow me on Instagram @euphe_mya and do keep watch for – Understanding Marriage Vows (2)
This article was inspired by Rev. David Ogbueli’s message on marriage vows.