The backlash against Enioluwa’s tears shows why Nigerian men are dying in silence – Halima Layeni
The recent attack on 25-year-old Nigerian influencer, Enioluwa Adeoluwa, for crying at his best friend, Priscilla’sPriscilla’s wedding is more than an internet scandal. It is an indictment of our collective failure to raise emotionally healthy men.
Enioluwa, in a raw, beautiful, and deeply human moment, shed tears as he celebrated a life milestone with someone he loves platonically. But instead of compassion, he was met with venom. The internet erupted with disturbing comments from Nigerian men, the very people who should understand the weight of unspoken emotions.
“Men used to fight lions and tigers but little boys have to watch Enioluwa shed tears like a woman on her period.”
“Enioluwa is such a terrible role model for younger men.”
“When I have a male child, when he turns 10 years old I go first break five bottles for his head make he know say men mount.”
“I go wear crown of thorns make he know say life no be bed of roses.”
“See simp behavior. You dey cry because woman marry? Na wa for you.”
“He must have been sleeping with her. Why else would a man cry that much?”
These cruel commentary is not just about Enioluwa. It is about every boy who has been told that his tears are unacceptable. It is about every man who has been shamed for showing emotion. It is about a culture that would rather raise broken, hardened men than whole, healthy ones.
There is nothing wrong with a man crying. There is nothing wrong with a man expressing deep affection for a friend. There is nothing wrong with a man being emotionally present in a moment of transition, joy, or loss. What is wrong is the fact that our society punishes softness, ridicules empathy, and weaponizes masculinity.
Boys in Nigeria and many parts of the world are taught from an early age that masculinity means stoicism, dominance, and emotional detachment. “Be a man” often means: suppress your feelings, deny your pain, and never under any circumstances show vulnerability. Over time, this has created men who are emotionally constipated, unable to process grief, incapable of expressing love, and ill-equipped to build emotionally safe relationships.
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This recent incident also brings to light another disturbing facet of toxic masculinity, the idea that men and women cannot be friends without sex. Eniolwa was accused of being a “simp,” “emotional,” and “pathetic,” simply for valuing his platonic friendship. Some even went as far as suggesting that he must have been sleeping with his best friend because, to them, no man could possibly show that kind of love unless there was sexual benefit involved.
This thinking is not only immature, it is harmful. It denies men the full range of human connection. It teaches them that friendship is only valuable if it comes with physical reward. And it strips them of the beautiful, non-sexual intimacy that makes life meaningful. The idea that a man cannot cry over the marriage of his female best friend without ridicule is a sign of deep emotional poverty.
We are grooming our sons to become emotionally unavailable men and it is showing up in our homes, our relationships, and our society. Men who cannot express emotions also struggle to be present partners, affectionate fathers, and loyal friends. They retreat from vulnerability, and in doing so, they retreat from the very thing that makes them human.
The emotional repression we’ve normalized is killing our men literally and figuratively. Suicide, substance abuse, domestic violence, absentee fatherhood all have roots in unresolved pain and emotional illiteracy. A man who cannot cry is often a man who cannot connect, cannot heal, and cannot love fully.
There is nothing weak about a man who cries. There is nothing shameful about being soft and compassionate. There is nothing unmanly about being vulnerable. In fact, it takes immense courage to feel deeply in a world that tells men to shut it down. Healthy masculinity is not born from emotional numbness, it is nurtured through compassion, empathy, and self-awareness.
We must raise men who are free to feel. Men who understand that crying is not a sign of weakness, but a release of strength. Boys who will grow into men who can be tender with their spouses, emotionally present for their children, supportive of their friends, and kind to themselves.
The backlash Enioluwa faced is painful, but it has started a conversation that we cannot afford to ignore. If we truly care about our men, their mental health, their emotional well-being, their future we must rewire the way we raise them.
No more broken bottles. No more crowns of thorns. No more silent suffering. Let us raise men who cry, who feel, who love, and who heal. Let us raise whole men.
Halima Layeni
Men’s Mental Health Advocate
Founder, Life After Abuse Foundation
