Photo credit: Bustle.com
By Miracle Udeagha
Hey guys! Happy weekend.
There are a lot of singles out there who are actually not interested in being in a relationship, which is 100% fine. There are also those who are painfully single despite trying so hard to put themselves in the dating scene. Some maybe just haven’t met the right person. But there are also some who need to be totally honest with themselves as to why they are still single if it bothers them so much. If you fall in any of these categories, then this post is for you.
Here are some honest reasons why you are still single:
1. Your attitude: So you’re walking down the street and this guy walks up to you and tries to start up a conversation. Before he can say “hello”, you’ve already given him this very unkind look. The guy gets scared off and walks away. Let me not even lie, I’m very very guilty of this. I was even told recently by one of my male friends that I have a very “intimidating” look. I got defensive, but thinking about it while I was writing this post, maybe I actually do. And maybe this is one of the reasons why I’m still single. Who knows how many guys I might have scared off with my intimidating look? Lol.
On a more serious note though, you should learn to be a bit more approachable. You never can tell. A friendly smile and a hello could lead you to “the one”. It may not even be about meeting the one. This person could end up becoming that business partner you’ve been searching for or the connection to that dream job you’ve been after.
2. You’ve set unrealistic expectations: “Any guy I date has to be at least six inches taller than me” or “Any lady I’m going to date has to have the perfect figure”. Well since you have all these expectations about what your “the one” should be, why complain about being single? Probably because all these crazy standards you’ve set are pretty hard for any normal person to meet. Someone could be great looking and have all of your superficial criteria, and still be a complete ass, or not be even remotely attracted to you. So do yourself a favor and stop limiting yourself to a “type.” People can surprise you, but they can’t do that if you dismiss them without even giving them a chance all because you’ve created this image in your head on what the “perfect” girlfriend/boyfriend should be like.
There are a lot of singles out there who are actually not interested in being in a relationship, which is 100% fine. There are also those who are painfully single despite trying so hard to put themselves in the dating scene.
3. Bringing your “past” into the future: Okay so your ex was a pretty bad example of what a good partner should be. And then this person comes along and you can’t seem to put your all into this new relationship. You find yourself withholding feelings because you don’t want to get hurt. Or you find yourself being super dramatic at any little thing this person does because you don’t want to be called “weak” this time around. Well, guess what? This person is not your ex! Leave your past in the past and focus on the future with this person.
4. If you want to find a catch, you have to be a catch yourself: People love themselves, which is fine, it’s natural. They think they deserve the best. But in order to get the best, don’t you think you need to be worthy of your ideal person as well? When women say they want a guy who is tall, dark and handsome, makes six figures, wants kids, has a car, etc., the first thought that comes to mind is – “So what do you bring to the table?” What are you offering in this scenario? Relationships are not a one-way street.
I’m not saying you have to be perfect, but you better look at yourself and really examine what it is that you have to offer. If you want a compassionate partner, I hope you’re compassionate yourself. Would your future partner want to be with someone who lies, cheats, is lazy, unkempt, unambitious, expects things to just happen for them? Would you want to be with a person like that? If someone is bringing a lot to the table, and you think you deserve them, remember they are asking themselves the same thing about you – “Do they deserve me?” People are far too concerned with “what I want” rather than looking at “what do I have to offer?” Be the person that someone would be lucky to find, and not just on paper. Be the person you would like to be with.
While you are still single, up your game. Work on yourself. Read books. Take care of your body. Broaden your mind.
5. You aren’t putting yourself out there: “I’m an introvert” “I’m not a fan of hangouts”. You are just sitting at home, waiting for Mr Right or Miss Right to come to you. Yet, you wonder why you are still single. Put yourself out there. Meet new people. Make friends. Attend social events (it must not be a bar). Things just don’t happen. You have to put in effort too.
6. You are unsure of what you want: You want a serious relationship and you are dating someone that is more interested in flings than settling down. Or you want kids in the nearest future and this lady doesn’t see kids in her future.
You have to be clear on what you actually want in a relationship. Set clear expectations from the beginning. You want something serious, go for something serious. You want to get married, go for someone that wants the same things you do. This is 2018. You cannot be settling when you clearly want something different.
7. You are impatient, settle, or give up too easily: Maybe you have put yourself out there. Maybe you have been through the worst in previous relationships. You shouldn’t give up because of this. Every guy you meet shouldn’t be the perfect guy, in fact it would be pretty alarming if you thought so. Learn a thing or two from previous relationships, and keep moving.
That’s what your 20s should be for. Bad dates are really just ruling people out, one by one, slowly but surely. Maybe you’ll meet someone great sooner, maybe it will be later, but don’t start settling the second you get attention or can tolerate someone. If there are red flags, heed them. And don’t get discouraged when it doesn’t necessarily go your way.
It usually becomes a problem when you are too eager or desperate. You find yourself settling for anything at all and this could lead to more heartbreaks. While you can’t limit yourself too much, you also can’t just jump into the first thing you see and pretend the person is “the one.”
Be realistic. Be patient. Be honest with yourself. You’re only hurting yourself in the end by clinging to whoever is there, or who seems “good enough” for the time being, because it won’t last and you’ll just have to restart again later on. So just give it time, ride the waves, and don’t give up.
I hope you find “the one” soonest ❤
Editor’s Note: This article first appeared on MIRA’S-NOT-SO-SECRET-DIARY. CRISPNG obtained permission to republish it. However, it has been slightly modified to reflect our house style. You can read the original article here