Reasons Why I can’t marry a Pastor

By Udeagha Miracle

Hello everyone! How has your weekend been so far? Trust we are all coping despite the current situation. This too shall pass.

Over the years, at least when I came to know what I wanted my ideal man to be and what not, I discovered I didn’t want to be involved with a Pastor. Before you crucify me, calm down and read my reasons.

First, I don’t like the restrictions that comes with being a pastor’s wife. As a Christian, much is expected. Sometimes, these expectations can be overwhelming. Being a Pastor’s wife, you would have to endure expectations from members and church leaders who watch out to make sure that “everyone and everything is in line with the doctrine as it should be” according to their understanding of what social conduct, dressing and mannerism a pastor’s wife should have.

The church would expect that as a Pastor’s wife, you automatically have a calling too and when you aren’t portraying these “callings” then there’s a problem. Yes, I’m married to a pastor. Yes, my husband can heal the sick and raise the dead (through the gifts of the spirit), be patient enough to listen to your many problems and give counselling when necessary. But No, I do not have the same callings as your pastor. My purpose on earth is different from your pastor’s. It doesn’t make me a sinner or an omo wobe.

Secondly, the lack of privacy. Having to share my husband and home with the congregation is something I don’t think I want to go through. I have close ties with a couple of Pastors and I’ve seen first-hand how their homes are an open house to all. It makes me wonder how they get the ability to be so accommodating and absorb a lot of different personalities all the time. I cherish my privacy a lot and I don’t intend to share my space with others. It’s different when it’s family or close friends that my spouse and I are familiar with but when the entire congregation sees my home as theirs, it can be quite irritating, for lack of a more subtle word. Some days, I might just want to spend the day with my husband in our own space but then the church needs him more.

Another reason is having to see my husband go through trying times. The demands on a pastor can be very high. It is difficult to meet the needs of everyone in a church, especially as it grows. Watching him go through stress and knowing there’s little or nothing I can do about it is something I would rather not have to deal with.

You see those terms “Mummy GO” or “mummy” or “mama”, I hate them! I know some Pastors’ wives too hate these terms low-key but there’s nothing they can do about it. Like I don’t get it. How am I your mummy? Just because I’m married to your pastor who apparently is your “daddy”, I’m now your “mummy” too? Hian! I really won’t want to be addressed as such by strangers so I had rather not marry a pastor.

But I’ve come to understand that whether I like it or not, as long as I want to be married to a man that is a Christian who knows who he is in God and understands his role as not just a Christian but also as the spiritual leader and covering in the home, I’ll be marrying a “pastor”, at least to a certain extent. It still does not mean that I want to marry a Pastor in the real sense.

Having said this, I think the average pastor’s wife is either a super strong version of any other wife or just someone good at keeping up appearances and that’s probably why it’s not for me. Cheers to the women who are married to Pastors, and the amazing women who are married to men with equally demanding, busy, and sometimes annoying jobs that keep them away from home. I really do not envy them.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think you can marry a pastor? What qualities would you say you have which will help you function well in this ‘role’?

Editor’s Note: This article first appeared on MIRA’S-NOT-SO-SECRET-DIARY. CRISPNG obtained permission to republish it. However, it has been slightly modified to reflect our house style. You can read the original article here.