On a balanced view of Polygamy…what you should know – Charles Awuzie

A video where Dr. Abel Damina said marrying a second wife is not a sin has resurfaced online. I went through the comments and had a good laugh.

Firstly, let me confess for the first – my father was the first polygamous Elder of the Presbyterian Church of Nigeria to fully function as a ruling elder – serving communion and sharing sermons.

When my father converted to Presbyterianism, the church wanted him to divorce his younger wife to qualify to become an Elder. My father told them clearly that religion would not separate his beautiful family.

To be honest with you, I had the best childhood experience – thanks to my mothers. I was raised by multiple mothers who loved me deeply. I was spoilt. I never witnessed any form of abuse or neglect from my mothers. Not once. Those who know my family from the village will testify to this. My stepmothers WORE THE SAME KIND OF CLOTHES EVERY DAY of their lives. They served each other. No hatred – just beautiful experiences.

When people talk about polygamy in a bad way, they should also remember that there are happy polygamous families that raise well-behaved children. And when people like me who enjoyed polygamy speak of the good side, it should also be balanced with the experiences of those who had it rough.

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My father never believed in Side Chick Culture. He was a School Teacher and I consider him one of the most intelligent men I was privileged to know. He was the most financially disciplined man I know. His wisdom is deep and he can control difficult situations. Wherever you found my father, he was the leader – because of the same traits.

This is probably the first time I’m speaking about him publicly – this is because old age has caught up with him. He doesn’t need public attention as he battles to lead our clan where he’s the surviving oldest man.

I remember asking my father his secret with women and he said to me – “always tell women the truth. Don’t lie. If you are married, tell her you are married. If she finds out herself, you will lose her respect. If you are broke, tell her you are broke. Truth brings out the humanity part of the woman. But lies bring out the Jezebel in them”.

None of my sstepmothersdepended on my dad. No. They were all TEACHERS too – educated beautiful women who earned their own money and decided to join forces with the man of their dreams to build a Family. Ours was a humble average family. We were neither rich nor poor. The combination of salaries from our parents and the family’s poultry business helped erect four structures on our compound, everyone had their place. We generated our water and electricity – so the basics were provided.

Polygamy served a great purpose for my father, his father and that lineage. They created land wealth – our ancestors amassed massive land which is still being distributed to great great great great grandchildren to this moment. Polygamy was their strategy for managing that massive land wealth. So when “Church people” wanted him to divorce one of his wives to qualify for Eldership, he preferred to rather abandon the church and keep his family. When the church saw in him a man who cherished his family, they changed the rule in his favour.

My father has served the church faithfully. He has also served his family faithfully. Traditionally, as the oldest man in his clan, he is the custodian of the traditions of our ancestors and he never attempted to let his role in the church disrupt his obligation to his traditions. Even when I was a radical firebrand Pentecostal preacher who wanted to destroy my traditions, my father would say “Enyi, jiri nwayo. God is traditional too. He is unchangeable – that’s tradition”.

Let’s face some realities now….this is 2025, and polygamy is no longer about lands. Polygamy is now about acquiring more vaginas or securing the bag. Men now keep side chicks for their fun and pleasure and women accept to be side chicks but would rebel against the idea of polygamy. Wives would rather divorce than have a sister wife but after divorce, they start to make peace with sharing. And men are more selfish and they are no longer willing to accept a child from another man born by their wives. If you have 20 wives, you should know that all the children born by them cannot all be yours biologically. That’s the price a man must pay for having many wives. So while we celebrate the success of ancient polygamy, we need to balance it with modern realities. Besides Ned Nwoko and some Arabic Royal families, most polygamists are now wishing they never married a second wife and just “play outside”.

But in all of this, POLYGAMY is an earthly matter. No God is either in support or against it. It’s a personal choice with rewards or consequences.

Ngozi Chimamanda spoke about the danger of a one-sided story. Most views out there about polygamy are one-sided – they are usually STRONGLY AGAINST polygamy or the men desiring it for the fun of it.

My name is Charles Awuzie and I believe the world deserves a balanced view of polygamy.