Giving in a relationship: Genuine or subtle commercial venture?

Giving is a vital ingredient of love, but how would you know if your partner is exploiting your generosity? Many people argue that love is expressed in giving, but some people say love is not in giving; it’s in genuine affection. Whichever school of thought you subscribe to, you wouldn’t deny the fact that in a loving relationship, there is an exchange.

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The bone of contention is whether such expression is genuine or a means of exploitation. Some men give ladies to sleep with them, while some ladies request from men as a commercialised venture.

How would you feel if you found out the reason your partner clings to you is because your pocket is their ATM machine or because they are having their way with your body?

To avoid being played by a pretender, ensure you read this article to the last word; this would help you differentiate between genuine love and a commercialised one.

Key things to look out for

Effort or Input

This is one key essential factor you need to look out for. Ask yourself, “Is there an unbalanced effort or input in my relationship?” Let’s narrow it down: are you the only one constantly giving financially, emotionally, and otherwise? Perhaps the efforts you are putting into making that relationship work are higher and greater than your partner’s. Maybe, if you didn’t call or text, they won’t, and most times they delay in replying to your texts and chats. This could be a sign that you are not on the same page with your partner.

Constant demands and expectations

Your partner is always demanding expensive gifts or favours from you, but they won’t give you imilar ones. Or perhaps your quest for quality time and communication is what they see as a burden. You may not know, but their affection is somewhere else. Some may even chat you up or contact you only when they are in deep waters (in trouble); once they feel enough, they abscond, and you wouldn’t hear from them for days.

Emotional blackmail or gaslighting 

Are you frequently guilt-tripped by your partner? Are they always trying to manoeuvre things to always look like your fault? They always make statements like, “If you had not starved me sexually, I wouldn’t have slept with another woman,” or “If you had financed my looks, I wouldn’t have lied.” Or even, “If you really loved me, you would have gotten me the latest G-Waggon,” and all those related talks. Watch out; you might have met a money-milking, manipulative person. Some are even narcissists!

Appreciation and Gratitude.

This is another important factor to look out for. So many persons are ingrates. Nothing you do for them is ever enough, and they won’t appreciate your efforts. They would always find where you failed or lagged behind and capitalise on it. This type of partner is insatiable. Most times, they treat your generosity as an obligation. They feel so entitled. You need to reevaluate that relationship.

Frequent Comparisons

Partners who see your generosity as a commercial venture will always compare you with other people. They would ask if you didn’t see how that lady takes care of her man or how that man takes her lady on frequent vacations. They won’t admit that you are enough for them. They are always citing outside references. I think it’s time for you to tell them to pack up and meet that person they are comparing with you.

Lack of respect 

Commercial venture partners will never respect you. Of course, you don’t matter; it’s only why you can give that matters. They would never respect your opinion or your boundaries. They are always challenging your principles and cut lines. They always pressure you to break your boundaries for them; else, they would say you are not loving.

Why do they do this?

Though no excuse should be made for someone who wants to exploit you, these are the reasons they may be acting the way they do. First, they feel so entitled to your generosity; secondly, they are insecure persons. They may be dealing with low self-esteem or any other, but the key point is that they are unsure of their self-worth, so they place their value on material gains. Another reason might be societal pressure. Most of them want to feel among or feel they belong, so they go all the way to satisfy the unbeneficial standard set by society or peers.

How can you do?

You can do the following to guard yourself against them: test them with a ‘no’ to their request and see their reaction and attitude afterward. Re-evaluate your relationship, set clear boundaries and stand by them, seek help from a genuine relationship mentor, then walk away if you see no changes in them.

Remember that giving is not a wrong thing, but giving to the wrong person is.