Photo Credit: Daily SMS Collection
By Ebere Mercy
This was the question one of my friends in school asked me when we went to grab lunch at the Chitis Restaurant after a seminar class that almost never ended.
I had to think it through for ten seconds or more before I answered her.
See what I answered in not exact terms:
First off, I am not very keen about putting up my pictures on my social media, so putting up my man’s picture would likely face same treatment. It isn’t something about anxiety or being unproud of him or not being as in love as he is with me or the “I’m not married to him yet and he cannot come and tie me down” thing or the “‘I don’t want world girls to snatch him” kind of thing. I don’t know what it is but it’s just the way I feel the most
Okay, maybe it’s because it makes me a bit uncomfortable, I’m not actually sure. It might also have to be about me being quite private about myself to a large extent. Thing is that most people always think they know me well until I reveal a new information about myself which rarely happens. This is what my brother Obiora Flint told me though. He said I could be expressive the most but when it’s closely looked at, I’m not so expressive about my very self, so it’s wrong for anyone to assume they know me so well. LOL. Myself includes my man, my journeys, my pictures, and some other things you wrongly guessed. It might sound a little off but I am private about my birthday too.
I am not saying that putting up his picture(s) or doing the internet PDA is not something I wouldn’t want to do. I am not saying that I wouldn’t be psyched or thrilled about doing it every once in a while (which could actually be a while). I am jusr saying that it’s not my style. I am the type who wants a 30- persons wedding in a garden or an island with no pictures anywhere on social media (something like Agbani Daregos’s Morrocan one). Weird stuff, huh?
Well, I concluded my answer by saying that for me it is sort of complicated and I honestly don’t know what phase exactly in the relationship I would want to do such. Only thing I know is that it isn’t going to happen at the early phase or a while after it. He might be the social media mushy type, and I have no problems with it. I just don’t promise to flow smoothly.
My friend (the one who asked the question) wanted to know what I was scared of. She wanted to know if I was scared of the world putting a figure to my bodycount. I said I wasn’t scared of anything.
She also pointed out the fact that I show off my friends every now and then on my social media. She wanted to know why bae’s picture wasn’t worthy of same feel. I told her that my friends are part of my other self, and if the lover wants his pictures frequenting my social media, then he’d have to become just my friend, and erase the part of the script when we decided to fall in love with each other.
We laughed and she gave me her two cents. She was of the opinion that you put bae’s picture eveywhere. She said that she had dated quite a number of times, and all of her boyfriends’ pictures have all gotten spots on her social media especially Instagram.
It was now my turn to ask questions. I wanted to know what happened when they broke up or quarelled.
She answered that she put them down especially when it’s an absolute break up, and that if they hooked up again, she always continued from where she stopped. She said that she is very particular about pictures and always wants the favour returned. In her words “I have had to break up with a very cute boy because he never ever put up my pictures on his social media even while I did his almost on a daily. Am I not beautiful? Isn’t he proud of me? He’s a mad boy who has other girlfriends and doesn’t want to cast. The one time he did because of my pressure, he didn’t even indicate that I was the girlfriend. How can I be scaring other prospective boyfriends from my life because of a boy who isn’t proud of me”.
For her, the moment two persons agree to be in a relationship is the moment they put up each other’s pictures on social media to seal the deal. If they kissed in the physical to seal the deal, it’s okay to put up a picture of them doing so on each other’s social media. I mean, in your face, dear world!
She also insisted that these boys might have other girlfriends, so it’s only proper that their pictures grace all of her social media. One of their girlfriends or babymamas might see it and save them from going to hell, who knows?
That was how she felt, and if you look at it well, her analysis is probably correct. She might have been wrong too.
I know a friend whose boyfriend’s pictures are virtually the only pictures on her instagram, with litters of their couple pictures here and there. Her pictures are also on his social media, so fair game. They are 8 months strong. Thing is that whenever they fight, we the spectators somehow get to find out because the picture uploadings stop that period. When they get back together, we get to know because we see pictures with captions such as “Power couple – stronger than the past!” or “Nothing can break us, I love you baby” and the sorts. I almost wake up to his pictures on her whatsapp status everyday.
I am not going to judge them just like I wouldn’t want anyone judging me, at least not to my face. People have different ways of telling their significant others that they love and cherish them. That way, their way, might just be what works for them.
As trivia as this social media and picture topic might be, it has broken so many relationships. Just like one of my blog visitors said when I discussed this topic with him yesterday, it is a topic that shoud be discussed in relationships as soon as they decide to be exclusive. You as a “my baby in the social media face” could end up in a relationship with someone who isn’t about that life, and you end up putting pictures and pictures of them out there without their reciprocatiing it. You might feel attacked at some point, except you couldn’t be bothered. The other party who is cool with professing their love for you offline might start feeling attacked as well. They might not even like that you put their pictures out there but may not find ways of telling you without hurting you.
At the end, it is just about the two persons in the relationship. If they are at a disparity on the issue, it’s always good to communicate and probably come to a compromise so that everybody is happy.
That will be all for today babies.
You know how much I love to hear from you, so what do you think? At what point in your relationship do you start uploading pictures of your significant other? If you are currently in a relationship, at what point did you start doing that? If you aren’t, why?
Happy Friday! Don’t forget to be awesome this weekend.
I need to bath myself in Gucci and Gold.
I need to see chocolate cake that I can’t eat.
I need to see tons of movies this weekend cuddled in bed alone with a screen directly in my eyes while I squint so badly until I reach out for my glasses and rub my big forehead lightly. As I do this, I’ll also reach for my switched off phone to see if I got any notifications yet. Of course, a blank screen with my clone inside of it would stare back at me and even repeat my actions.
Or maybe I just need a man for the weekend.
I think I’m going mental. Bye.
Major Lazer – Particula Ft. Nasty C, Ice Prince, Jidenna and Patoranking
Editor’s Note: This post was first published on EBERE MERCY’s blog, CRISPNG was granted permission to repost it.